"Not Me Monday" (Picture Edition)

I have a lot of hard evidence of all of the things that DID NOT happen this week in my life. The proof is in the pictures, see for yourself. (Some of these were taken with my phone, so I apologize for the blurriness).

I DID NOT fill up Avery's stroller with so many Christmas packages that she had to ride on top of the stroller in the mall.

I DID NOT lay Avery down inside the buggy at TJ Max so she could take a nap while I continued shopping.
I DID NOT cover her with a red coat so it would be dark enough for her to sleep. I WAS NOT told by the lady working the dressing rooms that I was not allowed to take in my shopping cart. I DID NOT get a suprised, "Oh, Ok then," from her when I explained, "My baby's in there."
I NEVER 'pick' the polish off of my toenails. They NEVER get so short and ugly I'm embarrassed for people to see them. I'm NOT in desperate need of a pedicure that my rough heels scratch against the sheets at night. I'm NOT too embarrassed to go to the salon and get a pedicure for fear of what those ladies will say about me, in their own language, of course! (No pictures here, sorry to disappoint.)

Avery DID NOT take a nose dive while posing for her Christmas pictures. I DID NOT catch it on camera while rushing in to save her little life. I caught her! It was a Christmas miracle:)
I DID NOT enjoy taking more pictures of Avery's growing weeds, I mean hair, on top of her head.
I DO NOT laugh every time I see this picture of how the sun really picks up her fuzz head.
This WAS NOT my kitchen only two days after the maid came. All of this junk ABSOLUTELY DID NOT end up here because I decided to CLEAN OUT MY CAR! Nope, this stuff COULD NOT HAVE come from my car.
We DID NOT put Avery in a laundry basket filled with socks so she could be near us and safe while we folded laundry.

I DID NOT pose my bottomless baby for a picture of her booty. I DID NOT email her naked, rolly, squooshy booty picture to my family and friends. She WILL NOT hate me one day for this.