"Not Me Monday"

My week consisted of perfection and everything went as planned, so there's NO WAY any of this stuff really happened:

Since I was without a sitter for my hair appointment, I DID NOT just take Avery with me to the salon for two hours while I got my hair done.

I DID NOT breastfeed her under my smock while Leslie, my friend and stylist, put foils in my hair.

Avery DID NOT feel the need to stand in my lap the entire time I was under the dryer. NOR did she pull one of the foils out of my hair. I DID NOT have to get Leslie to redo my color and foil on account of Avery.

I DID NOT go back to the salon two days later for a little touch up, because I'm picky...not because Leslie did a bad job... and I DID NOT take Avery with me again.

This time, she was perfect and in NO way, shape, or form did she grab my Diet Dr. Pepper, turn it upside down, and spill it all over her pants.

It was NOT ME who stripped her down in the salon and just covered her with a blanket for the rest of the hour.

It was NOT ME who drove down a private gated drive way upon seeing that the gate was open, just to ask the owner if I could use her yard for photographing families.

I DID NOT proceed to ring the doorbell, and instead DID NOT close the garage behind me! I DID NOT panic and try to push the button again to open the garage door back up.

This very same day, I DID NOT rub my tongue across my teeth only to feel grit...and then realize I HAD NOT forgotten to brush my teeth! I DID NOT wait until bedtime to finally brush my teeth and DID NOT consider Listerine as sufficient enough to last me throughout the day.

I DID NOT let Avery stay up waaaaay past her bedtime to attend HCA's Homecoming game Friday night. I DID NOT allow her to get a little too cozy with the Lion, Judah.

"Judah" DID NOT keep telling Avery, "I love you! You're so pretty, I love you!"

It was NOT ME inside that lion costume the whole time, either!

I DID NOT perform the halftime routine with the cheerleaders because I felt the other student mascot was insufficient in doing it correctly.

I DID NOT slide across the floor like a crazy person in front of the entire school and fans. I DID NOT enjoy doing this, either ;)