"Not Me Monday"

Did you forget to pay that bill this week? Or overindulge on your favorite chocolatey treat? Have no fear...I am here to make you feel a little bit better about your mishaps. It's NOT ME MONDAY!

While trying to capture a Kodak moment on video, I DID NOT drop my (small) camera on Avery's face. NOR did I pick up the camera to keep rolling and document her "I'm startled" cry. Not me!

This week, I DID NOT stop every day after cheerleading practice and purchase an oh-so-delicious (King) sized Snickers bar and Sprite. I DID NOT enjoy eating it either.

I have NOT gone 7 (maybe 8 or 9) days straight without working out. (This really is a bad thing since I don't go to work and could make time to do this!)

After attending a certain football game at a prestigious certain high school, Michael and I DID NOT find a bathroom (with no walls) on the other side of his truck, where no one was standing, and prayed no one walked up. Not us, we were raised better!

My sweet, darling, helpful husband DID NOT actually give Avery a wedgy with her diaper. Her little booty cheek was NOT hanging out of one side and the lining of the diaper ABSOLUTELY WAS NOT in perfect line with her crack.

I DID NOT allow my dog to lick all over Avery's face just to get a good picture (reference the Orange bow pic). Nope, not me:)

We DID NOT get up and leave a restaurant today for lunch (after we already ordered sweet teas) and go to a different restaurant. Don't worry, we DID pay for the teas!

I DID NOT spend a little extra time on my hair this morning, NOR did I actually put on jewelry for church (something I don't really do) all because I knew Michael's ex-girlfriend would be attending this church. (And yes, I did see her, so it was worth it!)

Leftover picture from yesterday.

Avery's cute church outfit.

Eating lunch at Chateau Elan.  We've never been before and we were curious.

Watching "The Notebook" in her ballet outfit

ORANGE you glad I posted this?

Knock Knock...

Who's There? 

Orange...

Orange Who?  

Orange you glad I posted this?

That silly joke reminds me of when I first heard it in ....what...like the first grade?  But the color orange just wouldn't get out of my mind when thinking of a title for this post. I wonder why?  As you can see, Miss Avery is proudly sporting her new hair accessory...or should I say "hairless"...since the headband is the only support for a bow in her hair.  My new obsession has begun, HAIR BOWS!

Now, I whole-heartedly believe my daughter is absolutely beautiful without anything in her hair (or on her head).  However, the moment I put one of these around her sweet little head...I couldn't believe how much cuter she got! I thought it wasn't possible! (My bias isn't showing, is it?)  I went on a bow-hunt today, searching for one in almost every color.  Don't worry, I really didn't buy one in every color.  This orange one sure does look cute on her!

This football game at Greater Atlanta Christian ignited the desire to accompany her outfit with a bow.  After I took this picture, I realized the Bjorn had reflectors on it!

She was so adorable, I had to get more!!

Stay at Home "Working" Mom

Now that I've had a baby, the famous question is..."Are you going back to work?"  I almost cringe every time I hear someone ask that because I don't know how they'll respond when I say, "No, I'm staying at home with Avery". 

You see, I grew up with a working mom and always thought that was the way it was supposed to be.  I loved the daycare I went to and wouldn't have traded my childhood for anything.  However, Michael made it very clear before we got married that he wanted me to be at home with our children.  It took me a while to be OK with that, but it was a premarital decision that we were going to stick with.  And boy...am I glad we did!!!  I love being able to raise Avery myself and do even the mundane daily tasks with her.  I just was worried in the beginning what other people would think of me being a "Stay At Home" Mom. (Not that any of their opinions really matter, anyway!)  

At my doctor's appointment last week, the lady behind the desk asked the same infamous question.  When I told her I wasn't going back to teaching, she said, "Oh, so you're a Stay At Home Working Mom".  I loved that she acknowledged the fact that I am WORKING, just not for monetary value.  For all of those inquiring minds...here is a day in the life of a Stay At Home Working Mom....picture-book style (for those who are visual learners).

**Disclaimer** Feedings and diaper changes do occur at least every 3 hours, but no pictures of documentation will be reported.

My day begins (a little before or after) 6:30 a.m. to the sound of Avery's voice over the baby monitor.  This is her first feeding of the day.  You may be wondering if my alarm clock is lit by fire...no, it's just the camera with no flash ;)

I immediately put her back in her crib to sleep a few more hours.  If she is too fussy and won't settle down, I will place her between Michael and me for family cuddle time.  She's usually pretty good in her own crib, and then I dash back to bed with these two boys.

After I have the pleasure of catching another 2 hours (at least) of sleep, it's time to get up and feed Avery again around 9:30 or 10:00-ish.  This is when she is the most alert and pleasant out of the entire day.  She will get dressed and then have tons of play time that involves tummy time, talking to Mommy, and some kind of learning.  

While the weather still isn't smoldering hot, we will get out of the house and take a stroll around the neighborhood.

My ultimate goal is to get her to fall asleep.  Looks like it worked this time!
Uh-oh, she was playing possum and woke up right when I laid her down for a nap on our bed (where she naps best).
At this time, it's around 11:30 a.m. and I am begging her to take a nap.

I'm probably still in my pajamas at this point, about to embark on some household chores while she sleeps.  

(Did you really think I was going to show you a picture of me in my pajamas?)  Anyway! This is the time of day when I have a variety of things to choose to do.  I can do laundry...
Maybe not!  What about the dishes and clean the kitchen?
Hey, there's always exercise!
Uhhhhh....I think I'll pass on the human pretzel!
I could also choose to do my favorite thing....Facebook or Blog!
Oh yea, what about a shower? That's another option.
Maybe I'll just protect my family by fighting off scorpions in my kitchen.
It's 1:00 p.m. and she's ready to eat again.  I definitely didn't have time to do everything above, so I'll pick and choose what I do on different days.  After she eats, it's more play time while Mommy tries to accomplish another task from the above list.

At some point during the day, we try to visit Daddy at work and take fuzzy pictures with camera phones.

It's 2:30 p.m. already? Time to leave for cheerleading practice!

To make the time pass by quickly, Avery plays with her pacifier, cries, eats, gets diaper changes, and sleeps.  I thank the Good Lord for Mrs. Chris, our team mom, who babysits while I coach.
She also enjoys being the cutest girl at practice.

It's 5:30 p.m. and time to go back home to cook dinner for Daddy.  There's only 30 minutes from the time we get home to when he gets off work, so Mommy has to hurry!  Avery will sit in her bouncy seat and be a good girl while dinner is prepared.

However, tonight was a special night and we all ate dinner with Granddaddy and Granny Ewing.  There was no time to fix hair and makeup after cheerleading practice because I had to rush home and feed Avery again at 6:45 p.m.

Avery napped a little with her fist up the whole time.
She also practiced her audition piece for the next KISS rock group.  Watch out Gene Simmons!
It's 8:45 p.m. and time for our night time routine...bath first!
She's got a full belly now that she's eaten dinner.  Daddy gets some last minute love before bed time.
"It's 9:00 p.m., do you know where your children are?" Yes I do....IN BED!

Phewww, what a day!  Now...just wake up and do it all over again tomorrow!

"Not Me Monday"

My life is so perfect, there's no way any of this stuff would ever happen to me ;)

I DID NOT douse my baby's head in glitter when wearing my new cheerleading shirt, with glitter all over it. Avery DOES NOT still have specks of glitter in her hair or on her neck from this incident that DID NOT happen a week ago!

I DID NOT change 4 diiiirrrrrttty diapers back to back to back to back, all within a span of 45 minutes. Not me!

I DID NOT play an evil joke on my husband after my OBGYN check-up. He DID NOT almost receive a heart attack when I told him that I was pregnant again! That's mean, and I WOULDN'T do that.

At that particular OBGYN check-up, I DID NOT have to get off the table, while wrapped in my beautiful 'paper-towel-skirt', to crouch down and console a squalling baby, all while waiting for the doctor to walk in. That beautiful 'paper-towel-skirt' did not rip in all the right places that would totally defeat the purpose of even wearing it! Not me!

I DID NOT pack a bottle of expressed milk in a Ziplock bag surrounded by an ice pack to take to cheerleading practice. That bottle DID NOT somehow leak half of the milk into the bag, and I DEFINITELY DID NOT try to salvage the milk and poor it back into the bottle for later use. Avery DIDN'T drink it either.

Speaking of milk, Avery DID NOT get squirted directly in the eye when taking a breather from eating. Because I have COMPLETE CONTROL of what those things do, I WOULDN'T have allowed that to happen. No way, not me.

While eating out in Augusta this weekend, Avery DID NOT explode in her diaper, causing it to travel against gravity, up her back. Her onesie DID NOT get saturated while I DID NOT rush to the bathroom to find no changing table. I DID NOT lay her on the bathroom floor, atop dish rags from the restaurant's kitchen, and I DEFINITELY DID NOT stop to take a picture of it either.

Also, this blowout DID NOT happen again the next day at lunch, either!

This morning at 6:00 a.m., I DID NOT realize that I left our only wipes on Red and Vickie's boat. I DID NOT search for paper towels next, only to find none. I DID NOT resort to toilet paper from the guest bathroom...and MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT find the most gosh-awful surprise in my toilet that had been there from Michael's football party Friday night after eating pizza and 80 hot wings!!!!! Nope, not in a lifetime.

(Gross) Confessions of a New Mom

I've been debating about even writing this post for fear of your judgments.  Not your judgments on my parenting style, or if I'm a 'good' mom or not...but if you will think I'm just sick in the head!  You see, I have this image of myself that I try to portray to many people...as eloquent, outspoken, classy (to some of you), and a lady.  Well, what I'm going to reveal to you is my more offbeat side...a little weird...and even questionable side (that Michael and Avery see every day).

As a new mom, there are so many things that I've learned.  How to change a diaper, burp a baby, and breastfeed are just a few.  Not every mom does things the same way either.  We have different theories on taking care of an infant, too.  However, there are just some things that you really don't 'fess up' to.  You're in luck...because today's the day I will lift the veil and reveal some secrets about myself as a new mom.  Why? Because I'm real and some of you do it too...you just are too scared to share.  Beware, some of them are not for the weak-stomached readers.

"Oh! The Places You'll (Go) Breastfeed!"

The couch in the confinements of my living room isn't the only place Avery fills her belly.  Here are some random places where Avery demanded she be fed:

1. In the parked car at Ewing Motor Company, Chick-Fil-A, random gas stations, the Mall of Georgia parking lot, a Love's gas station/truck stop

2. Red and Vickie's boat, and on our boat in the middle of Cocktail Cove

3. Target dressing room

4. The Cotton Exchange Restaurant on River Street in Savannah

5. P.E. coach's office at Hebron Christian Academy (she doesn't know that!)

What she doesn't know won't hurt her

I don't ALWAYS feed Avery from a sterilized bottle.  Of course I'll wash it with soap and water. That should be fine, right?  I don't ALWAYS thoroughly wash the breast pump either.  After pumping every feeding for two days straight, that's a lot of washing to do!  What she doesn't know won't hurt her.

Avery's pacifier might fall on the ground, and after a thorough inspection for dust or dog hair, it will go back in her mouth.  God made dirt, and dirt don't hurt!

Speaking of her pacifier...it's been dipped in water, coke, gatorade, sweet tea, or doused with lemon juice to keep it in her mouth.  She likes a little 'flava' in her life:)

After putting on a clean diaper, Avery sometimes has released a toot (with a little something extra) into that clean diaper.  I actually will get a wipe and simply wipe that little something extra out of her diaper...and then fasten it back on! I try to be environmentally conscious and not waste things;) (NOT)

For the first three months of Avery's life, she slept in nothing but her diaper. It's summer and too hot to be wearing PAJAMAS! Besides, it would only dirty another outfit because she would probably spit up on it anyway.  

GROSS Confessions

If you would like to keep the same image you have of me now, you should stop reading.  If you want to know the weird things that I secretly enjoy doing...read on!

1. I actually enjoy changing dirty diapers.  A simple wet diaper is boring to me! I love hearing her do her deed in the diaper (yes, it's audible), because then I get to see what gift she left for me to clean up. (I WARNED YOU...YOU CAN BACK OUT NOW IF YOU WANT).  I have a nose like a foxhound, a 'sniffer' I call it, and I can smell a dirty diaper a mile away.  Like this morning for example...I was feeding Avery after a full night's sleep and smelled something so gosh-awful, I thought maybe a raccoon crawled in her diaper and died...or maybe someone stuffed her pants with rotten zucchini...or was it burnt popcorn?  I couldn't wait to finish feeding her so I can actually see what was causing that hazardous smell.  When I opened her diaper, Britney's Spears song was playing in the background "Your Toxic, I'm slipping under..."

2. Speaking of dirty diapers...(Flashback) When Avery was a month old, the Pediatrician told me that a thermometer would help with Avery's colic.  Where I put that thermometer was  another story.  Yes, you figured it out... But he warned me to be ready because something would quickly follow.  Well, my new hobby is helping Avery go to the bathroom every day by using that little trick.  I actually get some kind of entertainment out of it.  Sick, I know.

3. Another gross 'mommy duty' that most people cringe at the the thought of, but somehow I enjoy, involves the infamous "booger sucker".  Yes, my face lights up when I see a 'nose goblin' (quote Ren and Stimpy) in Avery's nose, challenging me to get it out.  If you know me at all, I'm a competitive person and always have to WIN. What do I do?  Reach for that blue tool with a big ball on the end and forge into battle.  You may be hanging on the edge of your seat, wondering, "Did she get it?" What do you think...OF COURSE I DID!  I always win that challenge.

4.  I'm almost done changing your view of me completely...but there's one more gross confession before I go.  Many of you didn't know this, but Avery is a cheese maker.  She began making cheese in the first month of her life.  It's really easy for her because her cheese shop is in the two creases of her neck.  She is very practical.  Any milk that doesn't make it to her mouth, or any milk that comes back up, is stored in the folds of her neck.  She will let it sit for a day and curdle, creating little balls that smell just like Parmesan cheese.  How inventive!  As head of janitorial duties of the cheese shop, I will wait for the right moment and collect the cheese with my finger.  That may not be gross to you...but do you remember me telling you that I'm a 'sniffer'?

Will you still be my friend?

Now that I have told you all of my disgusting secrets, I can only hope you will speak to me in public again.  Mommy-hood is wonderful, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.  As you can see, I love it so much, I even enjoy the gross parts!  Happy Parenting!

Avery playing so Mommy can write her gross post.

She's showing off her cheese shop.  Open for business, we take Cash or Credit.
"What! You told them everything? I'm never gonna make friends!!!"

"Not Me Monday"

 

Did you have some moments this week that were not oh-so-glorious? Well, so did I! I'm here to be brutally honest and tell you all of the things I DID NOT do this week.

I DID NOT let an adorable, monogrammed burp cloth get soaked in formula and sit for 4 days before washing it. That super cute burp cloth that someone paid good money for DID NOT mildew and end up in the trash can.

After cheerleading practice one afternoon, I DID NOT cave to my hunger and buy one of those large $0.99 bags of Cheeto Puffs that I craved while pregnant. In my excitement to jump in the car and devour those delicious Cheeto Puffs, I DID NOT forget to screw the gas cap back on and definitely DID NOT see it dangling in my side mirror, flapping in the wind.

I NEVER stalk my daughter like the paparazzi, waiting to capture that perfect shot. My daughter DOES NOT think the camera lens is my face.

I DID NOT have a temper tantrum this weekend when giving directions to someone on the phone, only to have Michael take the phone from me after I was misguiding them. I DID NOT throw the baby thermometer at the dresser in frustration. NOT ME!

My husband DID NOT ask me this week, "When do baby's start wearing deodorant?" He would NEVER ask that because he's much smarter than that! Nope, not my wonderful husband.

My husband also DID NOT let out the biggest sneeze in Avery's face while feeding her...without covering his mouth and nose. I'm sure Avery DID NOT get 1,000 germs on her face either.

(Who said "Not Me Monday" couldn't include my husband?)

I also NEVER blog, Facebook, check emails, or take pictures from Mac Photo Booth with Avery sitting in my lap.

While I prefer Diet Dr. Pepper, she prefers her fist.

Enjoy the video where Avery had a fist-chompin' good time!