This one's short and sweet, well...just because.
I DID NOT walk into my garage the day before hosting a 20 person dinner...only to find our garbage scattered all over the floor. There WERE NOT egg cartons, tea bags, styrofoam, and the like, blanketing the ground. My sweet, innocent, angel of a dog DID NOT do this.
I DID NOT drop Avery's oatmeal, again, on the floor and watch it splatter 5 feet away on the wall. That stuff's got projection.
Michael DID NOT ask me, "Have you seen that booger on the bathroom wall? I've been staring at it for weeks now. Where did it come from?" I DID NOT rush into the bathroom not only to find one, but two boogers dried and flattened to our wall. I WAS NOT grossed out and yelled back at him, "I didn't do it! I'm not cleaning them up!"
We DID NOT argue for 10 minutes about who should clean them up and justify the reasons why.
Those boogers ARE NOT still on our bathroom wall.