I DID NOT run out of diapers and have to put Avery in a size 1 diaper I dug out of the closet, that barely seemed to still fit her growing booty.
I DID NOT throw her clothes in the trash can when actually throwing away trash in my other hand.
I DO NOT ever clean out her nose, or her ears, with my pinky finger nail just because it's small enough to fit into those spaces. No way, not me!
On the way to get my hair done, I DID NOT have to pull over to clean up another puke 'incident' on the back seat. As I took her out of her car seat, she DID NOT continue throwing up into the very small burp cloth. It did not overflow onto my seat and I DID NOT literally throw the puke out of my hands onto the parking lot ground.
While on our weekend trip in St. Simons, I DID NOT start a load of clothes only to realize there was no detergent. I DID NOT substitute the detergent with Warm Vanilla Sugar Bath and Body Works body wash. Nope, not me!
I DID NOT test my hand held breast pump out on two different guys...just for laughs! That's weird, inappropriate, and no guy would actually agree to let me do that.