It was NOT ME who drove all the way to Wolf Camera through Christmas Mall traffic to pick up one single picture. Upon my arrival, I DID NOT realize that I never ordered the picture online before traveling to pick it up! I DID NOT ask the store clerk to look for my picture, just in case I really did order it and was losing my mind. It was NOT ME who walked out of the store empty handed.
My daily diet HAS NOT consisted of more chocolate than vegetables since Thanksgiving.
I HAVE NOT traveled to various stores 4 days in a row and still forgot to buy crazy glue for a broken Santa Claus.
I DO NOT let my daughter chew on paper until it dissolves in her mouth and I have to fish it out. I also DO NOT look for thicker, glossy folders/brochures for her to chew on instead because it takes longer to break apart.
I HAVE NOT become the "booger monster" in the house and spend most of my days wiping and cleaning out a certain little runny nose. I NEVER use my sleeve to wipe her nose, nor do I wipe her boogers on my pants. That's sick and 'real' moms DON'T do that!
Michael and I DID NOT attend a tacky Christmas sweater party with nothing to wear in our closet. Michael DID NOT wear a sweater intended for my Papaw's girlfriend, who decided to break up with him, and therefore never received the sweater. I DID NOT buy this hideous sweater from Ross only to return it the next day and get my $20 back. I can't believe that ugly thing was even $20!
It was NOT ME who received a call from Michael asking if I "had another outfit" for Avery. Upon asking "why", I DID NOT hear him reply, "She had a blowout. It's everywhere! It went all over her clothes and I got poop on mine. We need another outfit." I DID NOT tell him to let her sit in just her diaper and find a blanket to wrap her in until I ran to Kmart and bought another outfit.
I DID NOT ask him to let me see this 'poop covered' outfit, and he WAS NOT too embarrassed to show it to me. (Like I don't see poop every day!) He was going to just throw it away, but I DID NOT demand that he clean it because I wanted her to wear that outfit again. It was NOT ME who snuck downstairs at the car lot to find my husband pressure washing her outfit!
This is NOT a picture of Avery wearing that same outfit from above!