Monday, October 19, 2009

"Not Me Monday"

I DID NOT put a wonderfully delicious chocolate cupcake into a Sonic bag found in my car with the intentions to throw it away. I DID NOT throw away that Sonic bag into the trash can when I got home because I knew I really didn't need that second cupcake. Later that night, I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT dig around the trash for that Sonic bag only to salvage that chocolate cupcake and eat it! Nope, not me!

I DO NOT find myself telling Avery to "Shh!". This is NOT the short, quick kind of "Shh!" a teacher or librarian tells their noisy students. Why would I "Shhush" my daughter? She doesn't even know what that means.

I DID NOT hear my husband accidentally tell the loan officer at the bank "I love you" when he got off the phone with her.

I DID NOT wash my hair only twice in a span of six days. Nope, not me!

After pumping 4 oz. of breastmilk, I DID NOT balance the bottle on the couch and take Avery back to her crib. I DID NOT return to find 3 of those 4 oz. soaked into the couch cushion.

I have NEVER taken a trip to the bathroom while continuing to feed Avery.

On the way to our cheerleading competition, I DID NOT hear one of the noises mothers hate to hear, the sound of throw up. As I reached over the backseat to feel Avery's face, my hands were NOT covered in ooey-gooey mess. I DID NOT swerve my car over into the turning lane of a gas station to rush to Avery's needs. I DID NOT find a pool of mucussy-vomit sitting on Avery's chest. This mentioned throw up DID NOT travel down the front of her new custom made onesie into her jeans. During the process of stripping her out of these wet clothes, she DID NOT want to eat right then and there. So, this resulted in me NOT feeding her in the turning lane off the highway, NOR did it result in a police man pulling up to my car to see if everything was all right. I DID NOT crack the window just enough so he wouldn't see me breastfeeding on the side of the road to let him know everything was OK. No way, not me!

After the feeding was over, I DID NOT change her into an outfit from Fred's in Glennville that just happened to still be in the back of my car since the day it was bought.

I DO NOT have to keep fighting my dog away from licking Avery's hands and face, at all times!

And finally...I DID NOT find THIS! For real, this DID NOT happen ;)

...just because he wanted to cuddle with her!
What embarrassing or shameful things did you NOT DO this past week? Please leave a comment below and share your "Not Me's". I would love to hear them!


  1. ahahahaha!!! too funny!! i have never spilt breastmilk anywhere...and i have definitely never SCRAPED it off the coffee table after it has dried! what does michael think about you posting these pictures?! =0)

  2. So funny! I have NEVER dug through the trash to salvalge a yummy treat. Nope, not ever! Especially not last week, when I tossed a box of doughnuts in the trash... I did NOT find myself eating one of those doughnuts after I put Jonathan to bed. I did NOT enjoy the night my husband was out of town because I could watch chick flicks instead of football. Nope, not me! :-) And I have NEVER rolled my eyes at Jonathan's whining (for the umpteenth time!). A good mother would never do such a thing!

    Love you, Paige. Keep the funnies coming...