Avery's cute new headbands DO NOT keep falling down around her eyes. This DOES NOT happen every time she wears one and it's NOT because they are actually Goodys headbands for adults that I bought at K-Mart.
I NEVER pick up Avery's pacifier that has fallen to the floor with my toes. I especially DON'T grab the part she sucks on either. It may or MAY NOT end up back in her mouth after inspection. Not me!
After taking a drink from my water bottle that had been sitting in a car in 90 degree weather, I DID NOT reach for my fountain drink that I thought was still cool...only to NOT take a sip and taste something so disgustingly nasty. Remembering that I purchased Cherry Coke, I was puzzled to why it tasted so gross. I opened the lid and DID NOT find my leftover ice cream cone dissolved into my coke! Ugh! That hot water tasted pretty good washing down the nastiness.
Avery DID NOT leak through her diaper one night only to leave a big mess on her crib sheets. That stain is NOT still on her sheets and I DID NOT just cover it up with a blanket for her to sleep on. (and yes, I do have extra sheets!)
Staying on the subject, Avery also DID NOT shoot (and I mean SHOOT) her tee-tee over her changing pad onto the gym floor at Hebron. It DID NOT flow like a fountain and we DID NOT laugh about it either before I cleaned it up.
I DID NOT just fold that changing pad up and put it in her diaper bag, only to forget to take it out and wash it. It DID NOT get tee-tee on her 'back up outfit' that I later had to put on her...which made her smell like urine for half a day.
I DID NOT jab Michael in the eye the other night during our sleep. My sharp finger nail DID NOT poke right into his skin and he DID NOT wake up. Nope, not me!
Avery is sitting in her safe, guarded Pack-n-Play NOT because of an unfortunate event earlier this week. This event DID NOT result in me calling 9-1-1, twice, only to give her Tylenol and extra TLC.